Desire As A Discipline: A Daily Practice
We grow up learning that discipline is part of how we achieve excellence, and yet we rarely consider being disciplined about how we learn about, explore and develop our sexuality. We may feel ashamed about not feeling sexual or about wanting to be more sexual, or we may judge sexuality as wrong, troublesome, dangerous or unimportant. We may view it as the one area where discipline is counterproductive because things just “are the way they are” when it comes to arousal and desire.
Connecting to our sexual selves takes discipline and commitment. To grow and develop erotically we must value our erotic growth as something important and valuable in and of itself. We must be prepared to experience emotions and judgements related to eroticism and sexulaity from a bit of psychological distance, so that we can make space for curiosity, learning and a new perspective. Our eroticism is tied up with how we view and feel about our bodies, our genders, our gender identity, our power, our worth, and our desirability, so creating this space takes a particular type of courage: the courage to question. A pre-requisite to this courage is the courage relinquish certainty and step into the tremulousness of the unknown. It can be a challenge to allow for the possibility that what we've come to believe about our own and others sexuality may be questionable, based on judgment and fear, or self-sabotaging in our marriages and relationships.