Sexuality, Shame and The SCAM

Shame about sexuality perpetuates the SCAM by reinforcing silence. If something can’t be identified, explored and understood, it can’t be challenged or known. Many women unwittingly continue to accept the myth of sexual chemistry as an alternative to truly exploring and knowing the power of their own fully embraced sexuality. The rewards of getting to know what's under the surface of our insecurities, compliance, sexual shut down, or sexual acting out seem to outweight the risks of doing our own slow, painstaking work on understanding our sexual preferences, our bodies, our peak desire experiences, and the circumstance that optimize and galvanize our desire. The taboo surrounding women's sexual self-discovery may have shape-shifted into something new and subtle, but it hasn't gone away. We as women try to do as we're expected socially and sexually for many reasons but one of our main motives for stifling our drive explore our sexuality is fear of other's judgment. In the October 2017 issue of Psychology Today, Carlin Flora notes in her article 'The Hardest Word'  that "research has shown that when women act assertively in pursuit of their interests... they're punished by both men and women for violating gender stereotypes." Sometimes, it's not safe to challenge to status quo of norms we've been raised to believe and accept. It can also be hard to challenge something you're not aware of, can't see, and have always accepted as a given.

A veil of confusion, silence, ambivalence and shame continues to surround women’s sexuality in the culture at large. The women and girls of today still struggle with welcoming, celebrating and owning the truth and beauty of who they are, independent of others' appraisals of them. Women and girls continue to struggle with mixed social and cultural messages related to their bodies, and to find themselves trapped in the 'mind-forg'd manacles' of false and destructive beliefs. Sexual chemistry that erupts within us, seemingly out of nowhere, as a pre-requisite, and necessity, for desire and atttraction is one of these beliefs we can examine, explore for ourselves, and challenge.

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About us & our mission

The mission of marriedtodesire.com is to debunk common myths related to women, marriage and desire while offering fresh personal insights and guidance on self-authored womanhood, erotic empowerment, and creating a passionate marriage.

Alicia Muñoz is a licensed marriage counselor and desire expert in private practice. She lives with her husband and son in Falls Church, Virginia. She’s also a speaker, author, blogger and a contributor to Counseling Today, GoodTherapy.com, YourTango, PsychCentral and other print and online magazines. For more information or therapy-related questions visit aliciamunoz.com.

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