The SCAM is a modern chastity belt, though its reach goes far beyond whether or not a woman is sexually active. It puts a lockdown on a woman’s capacity to fully experience pleasure, use her pleasure as a compass, and understand the power of her own desire. It teaches that desire is something that happens to women, unpredictably and randomly, rather than a force within them. It saps a woman's energy and power, conditioning her to think her erotic experience rests in the hands of another. If she wishes to experience it, the SCAM suggests, she must continue to be worthy of it, make sacrifices and live in a cloud of uncertainty and doubt. It leads her to believe in erotic fulfillment as a sexual destiny rather than as a sexual journey. In order to awaken desire in a marriage, one of the most important perspective-shifts women can make has to do with relinquishing the comforts of sexual destiny beliefs and reframing the unpredictable and mutinous interplay of erotic energy with a committed partner as a sexual journey.
This trajectory of this journey isn't a random, magical event that either happens or doesn't, if the "chemistry" is right. It's a path we can choose. In her article 'The Laws of Attraction' in the July issue of Psychology Today, Wendy Paris quotes Glenn Geher, a psychology professor at the State University of New York at New Palz and co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed: "We can overcome an initial, unwise attraction, no matter how powerful, and be drawn to a great partner, even if it isn't lust at first sight." Our sex appeal, our attractivness, our youthfulness, and our seduction skills may affect or add spice to the adventures that unfold on our sexual journey, however the richness and depth and scope of our what we learn will be shaped far more by qualities not traditionally linked to our sexual prowess as women: courage, vulnerability, curiosity, compassion, and willingness to open to the parts of ourselves and our mates we push away, deny and reject.